I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
