i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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