he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
