I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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