I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
well I can't set my house on fire every night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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