I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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