either way he was missing a nipple.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
