I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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