Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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