I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's always time for handjobs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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