I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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