There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
