I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
