He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
