haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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