He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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