So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
