I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
