She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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