After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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