He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
