The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
