Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
