you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
