I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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