My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
