Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
