I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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