You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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