So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
