I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
