woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
