The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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