I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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