I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
