But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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