Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
