Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
