Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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