I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
