I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
