Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
