mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
