As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
