His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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