I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
