did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
