and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
