i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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