If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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