I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
