Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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