4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
