i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
