I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
