my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
