you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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