so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
