4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
