I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
