the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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