how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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