i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
