apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
