Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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