he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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