just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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