Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
