I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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