I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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