Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
