i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
