I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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