When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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