i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
