I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
