i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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